...to stop crying

...not because any tragedy has happened (thank goodness)

But because of this....

The offer came late yesterday afternoon.  Of course, after the time which Mark had already gone to bed.  There are many details of the time-line that I won't bore you with. But the bottom line is we have the option to move our family into a lovely home before the school year will start.  And though in my heart, I want to stay here in my comfort zone (with friends that love me and take care of me) until Mark returns, I know the best long-term choice for our family is to go ahead and move.

I cried after I got off of the phone with the lady from housing....I wasn't even quite sure what she had said.

I cried after I told Isabella yesterday afternoon.  But I smiled at her response...

she thought that we should take the place since it had an electric garage door opener AND two peep holes in our front door (one at a child's height!)

I cried when Meghan called me while I was in Walmart to find out what I needed (after several missed phone calls and anxious texts from me).

I laughed when Isabella said, "Mom, seriously, get a grip.  There are people watching you.  This is SO embarrassing."

I composed myself for like five minutes driving to Meghan and Sean's house last night and fell apart when I walked in the door.

I could barely breathe I was sobbing so hard when Mark finally called the moment he saw my frantic emails to CALL ME.  ASAP.  I am certain quite worried about what I would tell him when he called.

I cried from the moment I woke up this morning until I was finally ready to head to work.  Thank goodness my children were not awake yet.

Then, unbeknownst to poor Martha I broke down as soon as she said good morning.  Bless that poor woman's stand-offish heart, she didn't know what to do with me.

The blubbering continued: when I talked to my mom, when I went to get a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop, when I saw Lisa, when I drove by the river, when I went to the housing office...poor woman she didn't know what to do with me either.

I was a wreck.  All-day.

I have talked with the persons that I need their support permission blessing to do this (Sean, Meghan, Lisa).

I have made my decision. 

I have printed, signed, and sent back all of the documents that I need to (this took me several hours instead of the twenty minutes I had anticipated). 

Despite the fact that I have feel like I want to throw up (frankly because I am not sure I can do this); I feel a sense of peace.

I have so many things I have to do...the two things weighing heaviest on my mind now is telling the few other close friends I have and figuring out how to help transition the families I work with.  I don't know where to start. But tomorrow will be the day we begin to say good-bye.

So it is with a very heavy heart that the kids and I will say adieu to this amazing historic house that we have made our home and set out on a new adventure.  I can only hope someday our children will learn (from this deployment and this relocation) that sometimes the right decisions are not the easy ones.